20th
A few more thoughts.
Ever come to the realization that the problems you spend most of the time obsessing over aren’t actually problems? Not to say that people don’t have real problems, but I bet that there are plenty of people out there who would give anything to have some of my problems. My problem just means I’m awesome. On that topic! I’ve been using a huge ego to compensate for soul crushing despair which has been very very effective I must say, but I wonder how long before it annoys the hell out of everyone around me.
All lives should be two lives. I feel like I’ve been living three lives these past months. I love planning and organizing things to do now and to be honest it’s gotten a little wild at times. What started at me trying so hard stay busy and keep my head from idling on the bad, bad thoughts has turned me into more of a doer than I have been in the past.
It’s a strange phenomenon that I some guys go through when they are in a relationship, that they begin to do less and less. I witness it now with several of my friends and find the whole thing unexplainable, despite that fact that I’ve been there and done it big time! I used to sit at home and wait for her to get off of work. I never called my friends or made any real plans. I’d just dick around on my computer until I could go be with her. It seems to have so little worth now and I want to warn people not to behave as such, tell them to go out and be with their own friends or they may one day find themselves were I did. Broken and feeling you have no one to turn to because you aren’t as close to anyone else anymore. I’ve been lucky enough to feel forgiven for these trespasses and when I still catch crap for it at least I’m in the mind set where I can laugh about it and admit I was a moron.
The most interesting thing for me is looking forward now wondering how I will do it all the next time. There is a balance that must be found and I won’t know what that involves until given the chance. I want to too quickly to rush into things again but it’s definitely not something that should be lived for everyday. There is a next chapter out there somewhere, this I know, but I have to remember that its buried beneath these pages for a reason. (METAPHOR!!!)
Oops. I rambled and didn’t end up talking about what I had originally set out to. Oh well, It’s not really a problem anyway. :-p
